What You Say Vs. What She Hears

What You Say Vs. What She Hears - They're not even close


I’ve long been a proponent of selective mindreading in relationships. {Sidebar: excuse me, microbiologists? Please. Figure it out. For what are you waiting?} Yes, you’d probably have to put up with some unfortunate yet unavoidable flickers of judgment and disdain from your partner, but you’d also be privy to what she’s really thinking, and (titular reference) what she’s really interpreting your words and actions to mean. Think about it! If she’s right, then you can sit back and enjoy the fact that you’re residing comfortably on her wavelength. If she’s wrong, then you can (politely, delicately and thoughtfully) steer her in the right direction before things get complicated and confusing. As far as I can tell, this would be a win-win situation.

Sadly, we just aren’t there yet; I guess we have to solve that whole climate-change debacle before we can focus on other, more important stuff, so tide us over until lab rats come to the rescue, I’ve put together a handy list of commonly misinterpreted dude-isms. Hopefully these will ease tensions and clarify things for you the next time you find yourself having a seemingly out-of-the-blue fight with your woman. In the very least, they’ll probably make you think twice about saying or doing anything at all, which seems to be the theme of these little exercises. So, you know. There’s that.

Your move: Mentioning marriage, babies, the future, or any combination of the three

Her interpretation: You will, potentially one day soon, wish to do one or more of these things with her

Obvious, right? Well, maybe not. Let me frame it in a way you might be able to relate to. You know how, when you’re not looking to marry/procreate with/commit to someone, the mere mention of any of those actions flips a switch in your manbrain that makes it virtually impossible not to run away and hide? Well, that same switch exists in (most) females, except that it’s programmed to do just the opposite and start a fire of excitement in her chest cavity that makes her wonder whether or not you could be The One.

I exaggerate for effect, of course; believe me, most women aren’t commitment-crazed loons looking to get impregnated by every poor sap they meet. When you bring up things that smack of ‘future plans’ to a woman you’re dating, though, then there’s a chance that she’ll begin to wonder if you’ve considered a future with her, and what that implies as far as your relationship is concerned. Now, personally, I think it’s silly to avoid conversation topics simply because they might be misinterpreted, but just be aware that these are hot-button issues that will certainly cause her to think, however briefly, about what it would be like to be with you 25 years down the road.

Your move: Staring at another girl’s backside and/or chestside

Her interpretation: You’re about to have a torrid affair

I know plenty of ladies who will freely compliment other women’s assets with no insecurity whatsoever. Interestingly, though, these same ladies will spend hours fretting when their boyfriends or husbands express the exact same sentiments with the exact same intonation. We all like to look at pretty people (even babies prefer attractive faces over average or unattractive mugs), so it seems like a silly thing to get upset about, but whether it’s because women are programmed to protect their families from intruders at all costs or because they’re a little less confident than they’d like to let on, the fact remains that many a spat has been had over men and their (however innocently) wandering eyes. Should you find yourself on the wrong end of one of these arguments, try to remember that she’s probably just having a gut reaction (and that a few well-timed compliments will go a long, long way). If she jumps every girl you talk to, though, then you might want to avoid coed situations altogether.

Your move: Falling asleep during sex

Her interpretation: She’s a dowdy old hag who isn’t bringing it in the sack

Falling asleep while engaged in ye olde deed is pretty much a gender-neutral offense, but if you’re the one pulling the narcoleptic act, then you might forget that it can wreak havoc on your partner’s sexual self-esteem. Sure, you know it has nothing to do with her – perhaps you’re coming off of a string of sleepless nights or drowning in a sea of stress at the office – but she doesn’t (yet) have the luxury of being inside your head and understanding that your Rip Van Winkle is in no way indicative of her skill with your Rip Van Wankle.

It’s important to remain sensitive to the fact that, like many men, a lot of women are only as confident in their pleasure-giving abilities as the reactions of their partners allow them to be. If you zonk out at an inopportune moment, then you’re probably in for a tongue-lashing as soon as you wake up (the bad, argumentative kind, unfortunately). My advice: first, return the favor of whatever she was doing to you tenfold as soon as she lets you back in the bed. Second, be prepared to offer her a free pass if and when she nods off during some sexytime in the future. Third, try to get more sleep, and really try not to pull this stunt again.

Your move: Holding the door, pulling out her chair, offering her your jacket, or engaging in any other chivalrous deed

Her interpretation: You’re a good man who will probably treat her well

Recently, I’ve heard a number of men lamenting the fact that women don’t want doors held for them because of ‘feminism’, or some such nonsense. Let’s dispel that myth here and now. Holding doors and pulling out chairs and offering to pay on a first date (if you initiated it) are par for the course, Dating 101, and just plain courteous. Your manners say a lot about you – they speak louder than words, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship – so acting the gentleman will earn you an excessive number of points in the “worth her time” category.

In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’ve known many women who’ve based their decision to sleep with someone based almost entirely on whether or not he’s well-mannered and polite on the first few dates. Feminism preaches ‘equality,’ whatever that means, but don’t mistake “equal pay for equal work” for a free ticket to act like an inconsiderate buffoon. You’d be hard-pressed to find a woman who wants a door slammed in her face, but quite successful in finding one who will cut you off for doing just that. Even if you’re not Prince Charming, you will get far on chivalry alone. Trust me on this.

Your move: Taking her literally when she says that isn’t upset about something, doesn’t want to talk about it or doesn’t want to hear from you again

Her interpretation: You don’t care about her enough to fight for her

Oh, my. This one embarrasses me a little, but despite its ragingly clichéd status, it is also, for the most part, ragingly true, so I feel I have to include it. ‘Relationships thrive on truth’ is, in fact, a true statement, and ‘games just get in the way’ is also definitely factual. But there are times when women say things that basically express the exact opposite of what they actually mean (is that you nodding your head vigorously in agreement? I thought so), and in these moments, it is vital that you infer the truth from something that is, for lack of a better term, a bald-faced lie. Luckily, or hopefully, there are only a few instances when this is universally true, and they usually accompany a bad fight. Let’s say, for example, you and your lady are arguing over the phone when she suddenly hangs up on you. Her actions may be saying that she doesn’t want to talk anymore, but she’s actually waiting for you to pick up the phone and call her right back.

Why? Well, even I don’t know the origin of this anomaly, but I think it has something to do with the fact that women are often afraid to come right out and say what they’re thinking for fear of forcing you into a conversation you don’t want to actually have. Whether or not you want to have it is irrelevant – I’m guessing you usually don’t, because, really, who does? – but acting like you want to have it is the ticket to opening the lines of communication and getting her to spill whatever’s on her mind. So if you’ve been told there’s nothing wrong, or that she doesn’t want to talk to you, the odds are good that something is wrong and she really wants to talk to you about it. She just wants you to be the one to make the effort, since she’s the one having to deal with the feelings.

To be clear, I don’t think it’s fair to place all of the blame on the females of our species: communicating effectively is like the holy grail of relationship achievements, and few of us (if any) ever get it completely right. Just beware the pitfalls of taking at face value what women say in the midst of angry tirades; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but men hath no business trying to understand furious women. Sometimes proving you’re in it to win it means putting logic aside, getting in the ring, and fighting like you actually know what’s going on. Or conceding, of course. That one almost always works.

Remember, though, it goes both ways.


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By: Jenny Foughner

Best Places to Pick Up Women in the USA

From the mountains, to the prairies, to the females, far and wiiiiiiiide, God bless America… Okay, you get the picture. We love us some USA because it truly is the land of opportunity. You may not be able to get a job or pay for health insurance, but you can always pick up a lady friend. We decided to help you focus your search down to the best places in the nation to pick up women, you know, just to give you a leg up. So to speak.

Gentlemen...your list of places to pick her up.

South Carolina: Downtown Greenville
We all know that a stiff, religious upbringing makes chicks want to do real bad things to you. And what better place to find such females as the buckle of The Bible Belt? You won’t find them cruising Wade Hampton Blvd or rockin’ the Haywood Mall. The place you want to go is downtown G’Vegas and hit row-after-row of smokey bars. They’ll be the chicks pretending to have a bachelorette party just to get your attention. Fish in a barrel? That’s difficult compared to scoring with these honeys.

Tip: Avoid going too far North East. Spartanburg is the itchy butthole of The Bible Belt.

Texas: Austin
For your money, this is the only city worth visiting in Texas. Provided you want to pick up a chick or two. We included the whole city here because this city is a wealth of chick-picking-uppery (yet another term we have coined). Austin has a primo downtown area and a little something for everyone: country-western bars (gag), dance clubs, sports bars, outdoorsy stuff, and pseudo-artsy places, if that’s your bag. The Austin 6th Street Bar is particularly ripe for the pickin’. http://www.austintexasbar.com/ The city also has plenty of live music in various spots, which acts as a magnet for chicks wanting to throw sexual caution to the wind. And that’s what we in the biz call ‘Paradise’.

Tip: Bring extra deodorant. It’s f’ing hot.

Colorado: Slopes of Aspen
There’s something magical about being locked into a small ski town for a week that makes women want to lock their winter-coat-covered arm through yours and stroll off into the two degree night. Maybe it’s the spiked hot chocolate or the fact that people's possible imperfections are hidden under ski masks and six layers of thermals. All we know is Aspen with its multiple slopes is a breeding ground (hehe) for snagging a chick. And we mean that in a totally non-creepy, legal way.

Tip: Avoid licking the flag poles.

Manhattan: Brother Jimmy’s BBQ
This place not only has a great atmosphere, great food, and lots of booze, but it is also a haven for many a female waiting to be hit on. There are several locations to choose from around Manhattan, but we suggest the location across from The Garden at 31st and 8th. Here you get plenty of wild local chicks, but also get a high volume of out-of-towners looking to make some bad decisions while on vacay. And don’t shy away from picking up the employees either. The waitresses and bartenders are almost all females and are allowed to sip an adult beverage while working.

Tip: There may or may not be syphilis in the bathroom. Proceed with caution.

Florida: Panama City Beach
Sure, this one has specific dates attached to it, but it is well worth it. If picking up hot and intoxicated college chicks isn’t your thing, then you are a loser. But don’t worry, Spring Break has now become a holiday for other hotties that actually have a career and pretend to be responsible. Luckily, they are hitting Panama City to throw some fuel on the dying embers of their youth. Hello, opportunity. When the sun disappears and the crowds move into the city, go to The Boatyard. This is a spot where you are guaranteed to pick up a vixen.

Tip: Don’t write your name on your chest with sunscreen. That’s just lame.

Utah: Sundance Film Festival
Again, you only have a short period of time out of the year to exploit this location, but you would be wise to do so. Thousands of fans, film types, and Hollywood clingers shack up for a little over a week every January to get wasted and hit on one another under the guise of the cinema. And luckily, the festival covers four cities which expands your pick up horizons. Throw a rock and you’ll hit a party in progress. Throw another rock and you’ll hit a chick waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet for the better part of the week. You’ll just have to explain why you threw a rock at her.

Tip: Say you have a film in competition. They’ll never check on it later.

Seattle Coffee Houses
In many cities, picking up a chick in a coffee house is daunting because she is infinitely smarter and more educated than you. In Seattle, you get all kinds. Where else are they going to go when rain is being heaped on the city -- as it does over ¾ of the time? Seattle is known for their coffee joints, but what many don’t know is that they are also havens for some of Seattle’s most smoking hotties. So throw on a raincoat and grab an umbrella and head to Seahawk country. Playa’.

Tip: Don’t open up with, “So, how about this rain, huh?”
California: Hearst Castle
Yeah, we know. You’re confused as to how a massive mansion/castle/structure could be a place to pick up chicks. One trip there will convince you forever. Hearst Castle just happens to be on the Central Coast of California in between San Francisco and Los Angeles, and pretty much entrenched in Wine Country. And millions of chicks take road trips into Wine Country every year. What many a man does not know is that these women usually make a pit stop at Hearst Castle -- if for nothing else, but to make a bathroom pit stop. These same women are on a road trip to escape the mundaness of their big city lives. Go. Be their knight in shining armor. Or at least one in an Old Navy t-shirt and soccer sandals.

Tip: Visit the gift shop. It’s actually pretty bitchin’.


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Last-Ditch Ways to Save Your Relationship

When the going gets tough, get creative


By: Jenny Foughner

Love is a battlefield, y’all. One minute you’re strolling through the park and talking about your dreams, and the next you’re arguing about produce and fighting over methods of toothpaste conservation. Finding yourself suddenly under siege in what used to be friendly territory is certainly disconcerting, but if you’re the kind of guy who traditionally surrenders at the first sign of strife – even against your better judgment – then you’re never going to be the kind of guy who enjoys the spoils of victory that await those who fight the good fight to the bitter end. It’s not easy, but coming back from the brink of breakup is possible; all you need is some heavy artillery and a willingness to embarrass yourself in public if necessary.

If you’re a sad sack who’s lamenting the loss of the best thing that ever happened to him, then get up, dust yourself off, cry me a river, and get back on that horse, boy. It’s not over till it’s over, but it will absolutely be over if you don’t at least try one of the following:

The Grand Gesture
Anyone who’s ever seen a Hugh Grant movie knows that the Grand Gesture is the most cinematic way to get back in a lady’s good graces. Cads everywhere have been scoring for decades with the help of this deceptively difficult (but actually quite foolproof) technique, and you, lucky man, can join their proud ranks if you follow a few simple guidelines. Most importantly, Grand Gestures are the stuff of grand drama, so if you have to ask if your plan qualifies as “grand,” then you’re probably not thinking big enough. Running through the airport to stop an airplane is a Grand Gesture. Traveling across the country (or across the world) to fight for your relationship is a Grand Gesture. Climbing a fire escape when you’re deathly afraid of heights is a Grand Gesture. Selling your Red Sox season tickets, which for years were your only source of happiness, to prove to the world and yourself that you’re ready to take the next step in your life is a Grand Gesture.

Conversely, sending flowers, leaving a few messages, and drinking away your sorrows do not qualify as Grand Gestures. You can’t possibly expect a girl to take you back if you don’t give her a damn good reason to, and the best way to do that is to do something that involves long journeys, public embarrassment, personal sacrifice, dramatic declarations of affection, or, in the best-case scenario, some combination of all of the above. Think epic, think theatrical, and think right now, because if you give yourself too much time to think about it, you’ll probably wimp out.

The 2 AM Show of Desperation
Tragically, most women are born with a ‘caring’ gene that prevents them from ignoring pathetic crying messes, especially during the wee hours of the morning. It’s not the most valiant way to go, but if you’re really desperate, then showing up at her doorstep at 2 AM weeping and wailing about how you’re nothing without her could get you a short stay of execution (if not a full-on reprieve). I’ve known more than one girl to succumb to this technique. It comes off as sensitive and needy, which is something tons of girls secretly wish their men could be, probably because it takes the pressure off of them for always being the ones with the feelings… I don’t know, it’s all too Mars v. Venus for me. What I do know, however, is that while this takes little to no planning, it does carry a fair amount of risk should you end up shunned and alone and crying on a doorstep in the middle of the night. Buuuuuuut, if you’re bound and determined to let this be your way back into love, then don’t let me stop you; knowing the universe, there will probably be another girl on another doorstep who will come to your rescue, and she might end up being hotter than your ex.

The Heartfelt Confession
The emphasis here is on “heartfelt,” because simply arguing with your girlfriend that she’d be stupid to break up with you will only get you as far as being dumped. Confessions only work when they are honest (or honest-seeming, which we’ll address in a minute) and sincere, which means letting go of your need to win the argument and focusing on proving that you have the ability to admit when you’re wrong (or at least the confidence and smarminess to convince a girl that you believe you’re wrong when nothing could be further from the truth). Sometimes this can be better accomplished in a letter than in person – for one thing, letters don’t have shifty eyes, and you do – which has the added benefit of potentially being ghostwritten by someone who knows how to put a sentence together. It likely contradicts everything you’ve ever known, but admitting that you’re wrong (and that you have feelings) is a ridiculously easy way to get back together with someone, as long as you can make it believable.

The Cool-Off Period
It may seem like a line, but many women actually require “time apart” to get their thoughts in order before giving it another go with the men who have wronged them. If a girl says “I need to be alone for a while,” then one of three things is happening: (a), she’s backhandedly trying to get you to fight for her, (b), she’s trying to let you down easily, or (c), she’s legitimately confused and in need of some thinking space. It can be difficult to discern which of these scenarios you’re currently starring in, but there are some tell-tale signs that can illuminate the situation: for example, if she cries or displays some other intense, frustrated-seeming emotion, then she’s probably testing you – she’ll say she wants space because she wants to see if you can man up and tell her to get it together because you’re not going anywhere. (I know, it’s silly. I’m sorry.) If she says it off-handedly or has that “I just found a puppy on the side of the road” look in her eyes, then she’s probably just afraid to tell you straight up that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore and thinks that this will soften the blow (I know, it’s dumb, but we should all be sorry, because we all do it.)

If she really needs time, though, then she’ll say it sincerely and offer you a specific length of time to work with, at which point your best bet is to give her what she’s asking for. If you don’t, then you’ll be entering stalker/crazed ex-boyfriend territory, from which no gesture – no matter how grand – can save you, but if you do, then the odds are in your favor, because 90% of these situations end in reconciliation. It’s a scientifically proven fact.

The 360-Degree Transformation
I (of course) saved the trickiest for last because I have a sneaking suspicion that this one is more the stuff of relationship lore than of actual reality. However. Every so often there is a case of a man being propelled into dramatic self-transformation after a devastating breakup with the love of his life. As unbelievable as it may seem, it might even happen to you one day. The tricky part comes when you realize that this one, more than any of the others, has to actually be genuine, otherwise you enter the realm of pretending to be someone you’re not in order to be in a relationship that you’ll ultimately come to resent. And that sucks. But if you feel like you’ve suddenly seen the light, woken from a deep sleep or experienced some other dramatic moment of enlightenment, then you owe it to yourself and your relationship to fight for the girl who gave you a new lease on life.

Often times simply showing up as the new-and-improved you is enough; she probably broke up with you (or came close to doing so) because she didn’t think you’d ever become the guy you unexpectedly became. Thus, your very presence is all the awesomeness she’ll need to be proven wrong. Sometimes you have to work your way back in gradually, though, and while this can feel tedious, it’s actually like a non-annoying, real-life version of Groundhog Day in which you know what mistakes not to make and what kinds of things she likes in bed. In other words, you’ve got it made


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6 Signs She Wants to be More Than Friends

Time to be pickin’ up what she’s layin’...

By: Jenny Foughner

All throughout history, humans have looked to the past to teach them about the future. The mistakes of our forefathers paved the way for our successes, just like our transgressions will hopefully make it less likely that future generations will engage in questionable activities that have disastrous results. For example, the fall of Rome taught us not to be cocky buttheads, the Great Depression taught us to keep our money in our mattresses, and that ship no one thought would ever sink taught us not to ride on boats unless we could afford first-class accommodations.

More powerful than all these, however, is the one cautionary tale that defines an entire generation: the saga of Dawson and Joey. I’ll save you the details (as if you don’t know them already), but basically, Joey (girl-next-door/secretly hot tomboy) and Dawson (brooding blonde manchild with all-consuming ambitions to become famous auteur) were bff’s until Joey started having these feelings, feelings that made her heart flutter and her knees weak and inspired her to wear makeup on a semi-regular basis. Dawson, meanwhile, blissfully ignorant as he was, spent approximately 40 seasons not knowing that his best female friend was butt-loco in love with him, which in turn facilitated some very uncomfortable close-ups on Katie Holmes crying. That’s not the point, though. The point, good sirs, is that Joey had to date Dawson’s OTHER best friend (holy love triangle! and not the good kind!) just to get Dumbass to notice that she was actually trying to date him. THEN, when Dawson FINALLY realized that he loved Joey, SHE WASN’T EVEN AVAILABLE TO HIM.

The fact that some of us still haven’t gotten over Dawson’s Creek notwithstanding, the moral of this tragic tale is that your best friend might be in love with you, but if you’re too focused on other stuff, then you might not realize it until your window of opportunity has closed. This can have dire, dire consequences (not least of which is millions of broken prepubescent hearts), especially if you suddenly realize that you have similar feelings for her. If she’s doing some (or all) of the following, then you have an important decision to make, and fast. Don’t be Dawson, people. Don’t be Dawson.

She’s wearing more makeup and/or dressing better than she used to around you.

I find it rather humorous that male animals have all the fancy plumage and whatnot in the animal world, because in the human world it’s the females who prance around in their finest finery upon identifying a desirable mate. Thusly, if your female friend has suddenly upped the wardrobe ante – that is, if she always looks like she has a hot date to get to or a cocktail party to attend – on nights she’s only hanging out with you, then it’s pretty safe to assume that she’s angling to reduce the distance between the two of you on the couch during your reality tv-a-thon. Think about it: if she didn’t want you to want her, then she wouldn’t get dressed up just to hang out at your apartment, she’d wear sweatpants and talk about farts with you. Ewwwww. But, yes.

She no longer talks about other guys in front of you.

A sudden drop-off in your bff’s tendency to over-share about her romantic exploits is a pretty tell-tale sign that this particular girl friend wants to be your legit girlfriend. Most girls crave a reliable male perspective on all of their emotional entanglements, so a girl who views you as nothing more than a trusted friend will be quick to ask your opinion about every guy she ever meets, even if it’s just a dude who glances at her on the street. If she unexpectedly stops doing this, then it’s probably because she can’t ask you about the guy she’s currently sweating. Because it’s you. Haha! See how that works?! Magic.

She (uncharacteristically) texts back right away.

Infuriatingly, most people don’t respond to texts right away. They could be busy, or in jail, or trying to fish their phones out of the toilet. It happens. So when a friend who happens to be a girl suddenly happens to start responding to your texts immediately – and when she attempts to keep the textversation going – then there’s a good chance she’s been thinking about you and waiting for you to initiate contact. Texting alone isn’t a reliable indicator of interest (some people are just natural-born text fiends who really hate it that other people take their sweet-ass time to write a two-word response), but a sudden increase in her textability could mean a sudden increase in her desire to get naked with you. Proceed with caution, but proceed nonetheless.

She gets super sensitive about things that used to be No Big Deal.

For a woman, one of the worst things about discovering Feelings for a certain guy is the tendency to become hyper-aware of every little thing he does and what it might mean for The Potential Relationship. I capitalize to signify importance, men, so pay attention. It’s like there’s a magic freak-out switch that gets flipped in the girl brain when emotions become involved. For example, your friend probably used to joke right along with you about her fugly man toes, but that was when you were Just a Friend. When you become a Crush and/or Potential Relationship Partner, she begins to worry that your innocent jokes about said fugly man toes mean you’ll never EVER be interested in dating her, and in fact think she’s a lot like Cameron Diaz’s character in Shrek. She might even go home and cry about it to her roommate.

Her friends give you knowing looks.

This is like a subtler form of lionesses hunting, in which the prey, once identified, must be scrutinized by the entire pack to determine whether or not it is suitable for consumption (and weak enough to be slaughtered). That is to say, once a girl tells her girlfriends that she’s into a guy, they can’t help but stare knowingly at that guy (especially if they know him) both to size him up and, I think, to clue the poor bastard into what’s actually going on. I think it arises from the female desire to see happy couples have happy endings all the time, which brings me right back to where I started, stuck in a pit of despair because Dawson never got his crap together.

She’s always making excuses to hang out with you alone.

Girls aren’t so different from you (aside from the extra anatomical features and slightly better smell). We don’t love hanging out in groups any less than you do, and we don’t want to waste time on people we don’t care about any more than you do. Just like you (probably) wouldn’t make a move on a girl until you got her alone, a girl who’s into you (especially one who knows you well) won’t even try to act on her feelings until she’s alone with you (and even then she’ll probably be wishing you’d just make the first move anyway). If the same female friend who’s exhibiting most or all of the above behaviors repeatedly looks for ways to hang out with you alone (as in, you suggest meeting up with other friends at a bar, while she offers to come to your place with a bottle of Jack and your fave stupid movie), then it’s time to make a move. Either that, or risk watching her drunkenly and awkwardly throw herself at you, or worse, miss a golden opportunity to get it on with your hot female friend. I shouldn’t have to say it, but neither of these are desirable options.
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BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.

He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman, how she enjoyed her night off and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.